The biggest news of the month is that Matt officially retired. He just came to a point where he felt delaying the decision was dragging things out unnecessarily. He could not compete at the level he wanted to on his hip, so he came home. And outside of a 24 hour period (one in which I went to a Rays vs Indians game…terrible decision), it has been glorious. Seriously, glorious. Our family is back together, and I honestly feel like we are living a dream. Better than being a baseball all-star, is a dad who is there in the morning when the kids wake up, and home by 5:00 for three hours of (sometimes crazy and stressful, sometimes perfectly beautiful) family time. Sienna is more in love with Matt than ever, he gets to see his boys change and grow everyday, and I get to wake up next to him every morning. Like I said, we are living a dream life.
I am not trying to be unrealistic or corny or anything like that. IF I let myself go there, baseball (or lack thereof) can conjure up all kinds of negative emotions. But in light of what we HAVE, it's just not a big deal anymore.
On another note entirely, do you ever have those days where every hour you apologize to your kids, and think to yourself, "I'm starting fresh!", yet there you are again, apologizing fifteen minutes later for once again "freaking out" over something that didn't quite deserve that level of "freak out"? That was me…TODAY. It's a Wednesday and by Wednesday, I.need.a.break. I just do. I wish I didn't, but I do. By Wednesday, I have been in my house for almost two days straight, and simply put, I just don't have the grace and patience I need for my two year old daughter and 7 month twin boys.
But I recently have been reading a book called, "Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe", by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson. It is THE MOST affirming book for this stage of my life. And it inspire me to write a list of my Mom Confessions- the things I am not so proud of, in hopes that it will help someone else realize that they are not a bad mom just because they are not a perfect mom. So here goes:
My Mom Confessions
- Sienna watches WAY more TV than I would like her to. I keep telling myself this is just a phase and I have twins, and I will pull set more boundaries eventually.
- I am afraid I don't give the boys enough attention (this may or may not be true).
- I only recently cut hotdogs out of Sienna's diet (the confession part is that I felt the NEED to based on how many she was eating).
- I am on my phone ENTIRELY TOO MUCH. I feel like my kids wouldn't recognize me without it. I have often thought about having some kind of rule in place like putting my phone in a drawer for this specified period of time, but have yet to take action.
- I always have a countdown going for nap time and bed time.
- My boys nap beautifully, but that of course means Sienna is stuck at home all day with me because the boys need their naps!
- Sienna does not eat enough vegetables.
So here's a small sample. Don't worry…there are more. But I suppose I wasn't ready to get THAT vulnerable yet. Geez Louise.
Now comes the part where I tell you about my children and how in love with them I am. Because I am despite my mom confessions.
Sienna Spotlight:
- When I returned home one evening, she told her babysitter to "Put your shoes on. You have to go."
- Matt can be very antagonistic, but in this case, I think he was just nicely playing with Sienna when out of the blue she says, "I'm going to pee on you."
- She has two twin monkeys and told me they were a girl and a boy and that the girl was named Cinderella. When I asked her what the boy was named, she said, "Cinderella Boy".
- For a few days after Matt returned from Mexico, Sienna wasn't convinced he was staying. One morning she triumphantly came and told me that Daddy was here. And I said "Did you think he was leaving again?" And she said, "Yes. I was sad."
- My brother asked Sienna what made her happy and she quickly responded, "Jesus."
- The other day before she left for school, I made her promise she would come home. Over 8 hours later, she came through the door, rushed in to my arms, and said, "I told you I would come back!"
Sienna makes us laugh out loud every single day. She is incredibly independent and bossy and I love her for it. She already thinks she knows everything and she's not even 3. I can't imagine what she will be like at 13. Despite these strong leadership qualities, she is so sweet. Often, without reason, she will come give me a hug and say, "I love you Mommy." She LOVES her baby dolls, and mothers them, always comforting them, and whispering sweet things in to their ears. She is the perfect combination of sugar and spice.
Double Trouble:
- Both Price and Maddox sit up entire on their own, and seem very ready to crawl. It's unbelievable to watch them figure out what their bodies do and see them get frustrated, but keep trying. I forgot how amazing it is to literally watch them learn moment by moment.
- Price has an excellent reach. He will lunge for and pick up anything in his path. But my favorite thing is when he reaches that chubby hand out to grab my face. Heart-melting.
- Maddox is more verbal and babbles and his new thing is screeching like a bird.
- Price mostly just grunts.
- Maddox is still the more expressive of the two. He is just SO HAPPY and ENTHUSIASTIC! I love that about him.
- They are loving bouncing and jumping in their jumperoo and the bouncy thing you can hang from your doorway.
Passport Photos!
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