April

Highlights:

• Going to Disney with Sienna on the day before Matt had to leave for Mexico.  She had a love/hate relationship with the characters.  She loved them from afar, but up close it took her a while to warm up!
• We sold our beach house with a May closing date!
• The kids, my mom and I spent a week out at the beach before we didn't have the house anymore!  It was a wonderful way to relax and it made it easier being away from Matt.
• Sienna and I went to Mexico to see Matt!  The city of Campeche was MUCH NICER than I ever imagined.  It was wonderful to have such quality time with just Matt, Sienna, and I, though I did miss my little boys.
• I turned 30 on April 17!
• Matt and I spent a great day together before he left where he gave me the most beautiful ring.
• I was home at Easter for the first time in five years.

Lowlights:

• I turned 30 on April 17.
• We miss Matt.  Sienna misses her Daddy.  She cries and says she wants Daddy to come back.  Or when she climbs in to my bed in the morning, she says, "Daddy come home after his baseball game?"  Heartbreaking!
• Though Matt is playing extremely well down in Mexico, his hip continues to be an issue.  Unless God heals his hip significantly, Matt is not sure how much longer he will last.  It's unreal that it seems he is on the verge of retiring from baseball.  It truly pains me to even type that.  I know, I know…God has something better for us.  The mature Christian adult-me knows that.  But the petulant child-me wants to scream, "It's not fair!"  "Why couldn't You have just healed his hip?!"  "Why didn't we get another opportunity or a better opportunity on a different team?!"  "This isn't how it was supposed to happen!"  "He doesn't deserve this!"  Okay…I think I got it all out…at least for now.  

Sienna Spotlight:

The girl loves shoes.  She puts shoes on before she comes out of her room in the morning (6:45am).  She puts on shoes after she wakes up from her naps and comes out of her room.  She switches shoes 20 times a day.  I usually have at least five pairs of her shoes scattered about my house.

She can fully dress herself.  Now sometimes a shirt is inside out or something like that, but USUALLY her shirt and pants are on the right way (tag in back)!  She never ceases to amaze me. 

She also can almost buckle her carseat by herself.  This is a huge plus and makes me feel like I don't need to get a minivan!  Go Sienna go!

One day I was scolding her while she was in her high chair, so I was looking down at her.  Well she narrowed those blue eyes at me and then started raising her eyebrows up and down.  Needless to say, the scolding was over because I couldn't stop laughing.  And I tried really hard to keep my "mean face" on, but to no avail.  

Double Trouble:

The boys are six months old!  I can't believe it, but I am loving every second.  THIS is the age where I just can't get enough of them.  Both boys are incredibly generous with their smiles and love attention.  They are both sitting up, but Maddox is a little better at it.  They are both out of their rock n' plays and in to separate cribs!  Price can hold his own bottle, which comes in very handy (no pun intended).  Price will gnaw on anything within his little chubby arms' reach.  And I think Maddox could look at people all day.  He doesn't' want to miss a thing.  

Nonna, Sienna, and Price at the beach!

30th Birthday Celebration with Wonderful Friends!

Easter Twins!

Sienna and our friend, Blake!

My big boy, Price, holding his own bottle!

March On

I just re-read my last month's post and the words, "God has been so good to us in the baseball department." jumped off the page.  It may as well have been highlighted and in bold.  God has been SO GOOD to us.  Just not in the baseball department.  
About two weeks ago, Matt was released (fired) from the Baltimore Orioles.  I was stunned.  Everything seemed "right" about this opportunity from the 3/2 fully furnished house we had found in Virginia to the proximal location of spring training.  We even had enough faith to be thrilled about the big league ball park, Camden Yards being hitter friendly, so WHEN Matt got his call-up, he was sure to hit lots of home runs. :)  
It didn't make sense to me two weeks ago, and it still doesn't.  Fortunately, it doesn't HAVE to make sense to me.  I just have to learn to live with it, and be excited about what's next.  I'm not there yet.  The first few days, the shock of it all must have been numbing my emotions because I was "okay" and even excited about the prospect of a stationary, baseball-free life.  But a few days later as our options dwindled down to Matt going to play ball in Mexico, I started to feel.  I realized I wasn't as ready for a "normal" life as I thought I was.  I wasn't ready for a baseball-free life.  I wasn't ready to let go of the dream.  
I didn't like any of our options.  I wasn't ready for Matt to stop playing.  I didn't want him to go play in Mexico and leave me here alone.  And I didn't want to go with him to live in Mexico with three kids.  But something had to give, so Matt left this morning for Mexico without us.  
It feels surreal, this whirlwind that was Matt's baseball career.  This is a position that I never thought we would be in.  Matt LaPorta can't get a baseball job in the United States.  I wish I was done being angry, but I'm not.  And I wish I was more spiritually mature than I am, but I guess I'm not because I feel let down by God.  
When I expressed all of this to Matt, he just smiled and nodded his head. He, of course knows what I am feeling better than I know it.  But goodness, he has been so full of grace.  He hasn't uttered a negative word since all of this has happened.  I am taking it much harder than he is.  He said the most beautiful thing when I told him about my dream of our sons experiencing baseball with him.  He said so many guys don't have good relationships with their families BECAUSE of how demanding their baseball careers are, and he would rather have a good relationship with his sons and get to go watch their games, than them come to watch him play.  He nearly brought me to tears and I'm not sure I've never been more in awe of him than I was in that moment. 
So now that I've got all that out, I AM excited for this opportunity in Mexico.  Who knows where it will lead or what God CAN STILL do in Matt's baseball career.  Or it's the final step in the end of his career, and I can truly be excited about that too.  I do feel strongly that Matt was supposed to go to Mexico and that it was the right thing to do for now.  I will wait with eager anticipation as God reveals what's next for our family.  

Sienna Spotlight:
She calls bananas, "samanas".  I am not eager to correct her as she is starting to pronounce everything else correctly, and I will miss words like these.
Her response to almost everything (when it's not "NO!" accompanied by a crying tantrum), is "Sure, that's fine!"  For example: "Sienna, would you like to put shoes on?"  "Sure, that's fine!" She probably says it a hundred times a day, but it makes me laugh every single time.  She says it with such adult-like maturity and perkiness.  
She is in the phase that (I think) lots of children go through where she wants to change her clothes four times a day.  The unfortunate thing is, she usually goes to her laundry basket and digs clothes out of there that she insists on wearing.  :(
She seems to be loving her daddy more and more everyday, which is evidenced by the meltdowns she's been having since he left, "I want my Daddy!"
She told me she loved Mickey Mouse and I said I loved him too, and she said, "No, you love Daddy."  She says it very matter-of-factly which I adored.  I'm glad she knows I love him ; )

Maddox smiles with his whole body, but Price smiles at me like he is in love with me.  Maddox adores his sister.  I think he is fascinated by her- the way she moves and laughs and talks.  Truly, he can hardly keep his eyes off of her when she is around.  If he has to choose between looking at me or looking at her, I promise he would choose her every time.  Price still has a crush on his mama though.  He smiles so big and kicks his legs when he sees me.  I've also noticed when I walk away from him, he will briefly become upset.  
Price has finally rolled his big body over, but just once! : )  They both seem very close to sitting up alone unassisted.  And if I prop them right, they can even do it for a few seconds.  I feel so blessed to have such incredible little boys and one perfect little girl.

Uncle Brent and Price

 

Price

Maddox

February

Every time I sit down to write this blog, I take a huge breath as I think about the past month, the highs and lows, trying to conjure up the fun and sweet details of my interactions.  I probably need to blog more frequently because I find it difficult to remember exactly what we DID this month.  
I would like to report that I have everything under control, that my life is in perfect balance, that all is well and at peace.  But it's not.  : )  That's not to say I don't have moments of serenity or days where I feel like I have it all together.  But truthfully, right now, in this phase of life, I wake up every morning and prepare for battle.  I'm not battling with Matt or even the kids, but with myself.  It's a war between the mom and wife I want to be and the mom and wife I am.  It's a war between peace and chaos, between patience and agitation, between my to-do list and face time with my babies, between productivity and mommy-guilt.  I have never prayed for the fruits of the spirit so much in my life.  Love, joy, PEACE, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and SELF-CONTROL.  (If you hadn't picked up on it, the capitalized words are the ones I need the most of right now)  More this month than ever, I have had those moments of "What do I have to look forward to in my life right now?"  "Is this REALLY what my life looks like for the next five years?"  I hate feeling that way.  It's ungrateful and self-absorbed.  So I am battling that also.  I have taken more time to write down at least one thing everyday that I am grateful for.  It's helping.  I am lowering my expectations of my productivity.  It's helping.  I am creating more structure in my days, so I can focus on one (or maybe two) babies at a time without feeling this pull to be doing something else.  It's helping.  By the grace of God, I am figuring this out and finding joy and gratitude in the chaos and upheaval of my life.  I know how blessed I am.  And I DO love my life.
God has been so good in the baseball department.  Matt signed a minor league deal with the Baltimore Orioles.  They spring train in Sarasota, so he can commute and come home to us every night!  We also already found a 3/2 fully furnished house in Norfolk, VA (AAA), that belongs to an old teammate of Matt's.  God is providing.  He always does.  We are hopeful and incredibly grateful for this opportunity. 
Sienna Spotlight:
We were watching TV on the couch and she pats my leg and says, "Nice to see ya, Mommy."
Matt said to her, "You are silly", and she very sincerely looked at him, patted her chest, and said, "No, not silly, that's Sienna!"
We were watching the Olympics and when she saw the snowboarders with their bulky clothes and face mask, she said, "That's a monster."
She calls school the "teacher's house"
She woke up with a fever one morning and I tried to take her temperature, but she wouldn't let me.  About a half hour later, she was whimpering, and I asked her, "Oh Sienna, what hurts?"  And she said so sadly and pathetically, "My temperature hurts."  
Sienna speaks with such conviction and confidence and sincerity.  She is definitely going to push the line every time, but I can't help but love that about her.  She is feisty as feisty can be.  Oh and she is always negotiating with me!  The other day she wanted to take some bowls out of the drawer, and I said, "No bowls!" And she looked at me sideways with this ridiculously charming expression, and said, "One bowl?"  How can I say no?  She if full of energy and life and I adore her.  
Price and Maddox are finally getting to that stage where I can really fall in love with them.  I know that's awful to say, but I can't help it.  Newborns don't do much for me.  But they are four months now, and I could just eat them up.  Maddox is so quick to smile.  You could barely glance his way, but his whole face lights up with a huge grin that just begs you to pay attention to him.  And Price is my little Gerber baby.  He is scrumptious.  He has this perfectly plump little body and creamy white skin and very big, round head.  He is still more laid back than Maddox, but he is catching up in the smile department.  He has this sweet closed lip smile that I love.  They both smile and kick their tiny legs when they see me approaching.  It makes me melt just thinking about it.