I would like to report that I have everything under control, that my life is in perfect balance, that all is well and at peace. But it's not. : ) That's not to say I don't have moments of serenity or days where I feel like I have it all together. But truthfully, right now, in this phase of life, I wake up every morning and prepare for battle. I'm not battling with Matt or even the kids, but with myself. It's a war between the mom and wife I want to be and the mom and wife I am. It's a war between peace and chaos, between patience and agitation, between my to-do list and face time with my babies, between productivity and mommy-guilt. I have never prayed for the fruits of the spirit so much in my life. Love, joy, PEACE, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and SELF-CONTROL. (If you hadn't picked up on it, the capitalized words are the ones I need the most of right now) More this month than ever, I have had those moments of "What do I have to look forward to in my life right now?" "Is this REALLY what my life looks like for the next five years?" I hate feeling that way. It's ungrateful and self-absorbed. So I am battling that also. I have taken more time to write down at least one thing everyday that I am grateful for. It's helping. I am lowering my expectations of my productivity. It's helping. I am creating more structure in my days, so I can focus on one (or maybe two) babies at a time without feeling this pull to be doing something else. It's helping. By the grace of God, I am figuring this out and finding joy and gratitude in the chaos and upheaval of my life. I know how blessed I am. And I DO love my life.
God has been so good in the baseball department. Matt signed a minor league deal with the Baltimore Orioles. They spring train in Sarasota, so he can commute and come home to us every night! We also already found a 3/2 fully furnished house in Norfolk, VA (AAA), that belongs to an old teammate of Matt's. God is providing. He always does. We are hopeful and incredibly grateful for this opportunity.
Sienna Spotlight:
We were watching TV on the couch and she pats my leg and says, "Nice to see ya, Mommy."
Matt said to her, "You are silly", and she very sincerely looked at him, patted her chest, and said, "No, not silly, that's Sienna!"
We were watching the Olympics and when she saw the snowboarders with their bulky clothes and face mask, she said, "That's a monster."
She calls school the "teacher's house"
She woke up with a fever one morning and I tried to take her temperature, but she wouldn't let me. About a half hour later, she was whimpering, and I asked her, "Oh Sienna, what hurts?" And she said so sadly and pathetically, "My temperature hurts."
Sienna speaks with such conviction and confidence and sincerity. She is definitely going to push the line every time, but I can't help but love that about her. She is feisty as feisty can be. Oh and she is always negotiating with me! The other day she wanted to take some bowls out of the drawer, and I said, "No bowls!" And she looked at me sideways with this ridiculously charming expression, and said, "One bowl?" How can I say no? She if full of energy and life and I adore her.
Price and Maddox are finally getting to that stage where I can really fall in love with them. I know that's awful to say, but I can't help it. Newborns don't do much for me. But they are four months now, and I could just eat them up. Maddox is so quick to smile. You could barely glance his way, but his whole face lights up with a huge grin that just begs you to pay attention to him. And Price is my little Gerber baby. He is scrumptious. He has this perfectly plump little body and creamy white skin and very big, round head. He is still more laid back than Maddox, but he is catching up in the smile department. He has this sweet closed lip smile that I love. They both smile and kick their tiny legs when they see me approaching. It makes me melt just thinking about it.
