About two weeks ago, Matt was released (fired) from the Baltimore Orioles. I was stunned. Everything seemed "right" about this opportunity from the 3/2 fully furnished house we had found in Virginia to the proximal location of spring training. We even had enough faith to be thrilled about the big league ball park, Camden Yards being hitter friendly, so WHEN Matt got his call-up, he was sure to hit lots of home runs. :)
It didn't make sense to me two weeks ago, and it still doesn't. Fortunately, it doesn't HAVE to make sense to me. I just have to learn to live with it, and be excited about what's next. I'm not there yet. The first few days, the shock of it all must have been numbing my emotions because I was "okay" and even excited about the prospect of a stationary, baseball-free life. But a few days later as our options dwindled down to Matt going to play ball in Mexico, I started to feel. I realized I wasn't as ready for a "normal" life as I thought I was. I wasn't ready for a baseball-free life. I wasn't ready to let go of the dream.
I didn't like any of our options. I wasn't ready for Matt to stop playing. I didn't want him to go play in Mexico and leave me here alone. And I didn't want to go with him to live in Mexico with three kids. But something had to give, so Matt left this morning for Mexico without us.
It feels surreal, this whirlwind that was Matt's baseball career. This is a position that I never thought we would be in. Matt LaPorta can't get a baseball job in the United States. I wish I was done being angry, but I'm not. And I wish I was more spiritually mature than I am, but I guess I'm not because I feel let down by God.
When I expressed all of this to Matt, he just smiled and nodded his head. He, of course knows what I am feeling better than I know it. But goodness, he has been so full of grace. He hasn't uttered a negative word since all of this has happened. I am taking it much harder than he is. He said the most beautiful thing when I told him about my dream of our sons experiencing baseball with him. He said so many guys don't have good relationships with their families BECAUSE of how demanding their baseball careers are, and he would rather have a good relationship with his sons and get to go watch their games, than them come to watch him play. He nearly brought me to tears and I'm not sure I've never been more in awe of him than I was in that moment.
So now that I've got all that out, I AM excited for this opportunity in Mexico. Who knows where it will lead or what God CAN STILL do in Matt's baseball career. Or it's the final step in the end of his career, and I can truly be excited about that too. I do feel strongly that Matt was supposed to go to Mexico and that it was the right thing to do for now. I will wait with eager anticipation as God reveals what's next for our family.
Sienna Spotlight:
She calls bananas, "samanas". I am not eager to correct her as she is starting to pronounce everything else correctly, and I will miss words like these.
Her response to almost everything (when it's not "NO!" accompanied by a crying tantrum), is "Sure, that's fine!" For example: "Sienna, would you like to put shoes on?" "Sure, that's fine!" She probably says it a hundred times a day, but it makes me laugh every single time. She says it with such adult-like maturity and perkiness.
She is in the phase that (I think) lots of children go through where she wants to change her clothes four times a day. The unfortunate thing is, she usually goes to her laundry basket and digs clothes out of there that she insists on wearing. :(
She seems to be loving her daddy more and more everyday, which is evidenced by the meltdowns she's been having since he left, "I want my Daddy!"
She told me she loved Mickey Mouse and I said I loved him too, and she said, "No, you love Daddy." She says it very matter-of-factly which I adored. I'm glad she knows I love him ; )
Maddox smiles with his whole body, but Price smiles at me like he is in love with me. Maddox adores his sister. I think he is fascinated by her- the way she moves and laughs and talks. Truly, he can hardly keep his eyes off of her when she is around. If he has to choose between looking at me or looking at her, I promise he would choose her every time. Price still has a crush on his mama though. He smiles so big and kicks his legs when he sees me. I've also noticed when I walk away from him, he will briefly become upset.
Price has finally rolled his big body over, but just once! : ) They both seem very close to sitting up alone unassisted. And if I prop them right, they can even do it for a few seconds. I feel so blessed to have such incredible little boys and one perfect little girl.
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| Uncle Brent and Price |
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| Price |
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| Maddox |
